


Strength.

by scary_cas



Category: The Walking Dead (TV), Walking Dead
Genre: Angst, Gen, Mentions of past abuse, Spoilers for mid season finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 21:52:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2889206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scary_cas/pseuds/scary_cas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last events of Coda told from Carol's point of view.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength.

She liked to think that little Sophia didn't feel any pain, but deep down inside her heart she knew that was as far from the truth as you could get. Her daughter had known pain her whole short life, from the pain inflicted by Ed right down to the walker that had shredded her flesh. Carol tried. She tried to shield Sophia from both Ed and the apocalypse, but in the end she'd failed. Before the dead started coming back her husband had been getting even more violent and had been drinking more and more. Soon it wasn't just enough for him to take out his rage on her, he'd been turning to Sophia and Carol was scared the abuse would escalate into something worse. She tried to protect her daughter by letting Ed hurt her more, but that wouldn't last forever. So she'd prayed for something to stop him and that was when the world ended. Ed's dead now, but Sophia is too. She felt like she'd failed her.

And now it was happening all over again. First at the Grove with the girls, and now with Beth. _Beth_. Carol tries to block out the painful memories of the teenager that had been so full of life and hope who now lies motionless in Daryl's arms. Her legs hang limp, swaying side to side as blood drips down onto the cold, hard asphalt. She can hear the heartbreaking wails of Maggie, watches her fall to the ground, her cries will attract walkers but Carol can't stomach telling her to stay quiet. Glenn grabs her, holds her back and then the memories come flooding back to her.

She remembers what it was like to watch Sophia, her precious daughter, the only thing she had left in this sick world, be taken from her. The moment she'd seen her walk out from the barn doors was the moment she had realised what this world had become, that no one was safe and there was nothing she could do about it. She'd failed. Her instinct to rush over to her daughter had kicked in then but someone was pulling her back, pushing her to the ground and holding tightly onto her. It was Daryl, and he was begging her not to watch as Rick raised his gun, aimed and shot her daughter threw the face. The shot was piercingly loud and she could have sworn she'd been shot too when her daughters body fell back and landed on the ground.

Beth's death had been so quick she didn't even believe it had happened at first. One minute the exchange had worked and the next Dawn had demanded Noah to stay at the hospital. Carol had known that they couldn't let that happen, but before she could speak Beth was there, talking to Dawn. It happened so quickly after that. Beth stabbed her and Dawn shot her through the skull. The gunshot had echoed down the corridor and Beth fell, blood pooling around her body. Carol didn't have time to react, didn't have time to form a single thought. She heard that Dawn was trying to say something, looking back at it Carol thought she was probably pleading for her life, but it didn't matter. There was nothing Dawn could say, the moment she had drawn her gun and shot her fate was sealed. Daryl had pulled out his gun and shot her directly in the forehead before she could say another word. More blood splattered onto the white walls, joined by fragments of shattered skull and brain matter.

Carol couldn't watch Maggie fall apart in front of her any longer, it was just too painful. Maggie was like her, her whole family gone, with just Glenn left now. She turned around and tried to block out all sounds, just focusing on the pain that had flared up again in her ribs. Sometimes it scared her how she could detach herself from all emotions now, that she could just turn that switch off whenever she needed to. She blocked all emotions when she killed Karen, and it was so easy for her to kill the people at Terminus. She was starting to feel like there was an important part of her that was broken, hell, even missing completely. The part that makes you human, the part that makes it hard to take another persons life. She felt like she had become a monster, but she had no choice.

She pushed at the thoughts she was having about her being a monster, shoved them deep down inside her where she would never go to them again. She was strong now, not the scared and abused housewife she had been at the start. Carol had always known she had strength in her, she had to be strong at times for Sophia's sake. In some ways it is almost like the apocalypse has been a good thing for Carol. It's shown her how strong she can be, how far she would go in order to protect the people she has now come to call family.

She knew that losing Beth would take away another piece of herself, another part of her that believed there was still good left in this world. It would also tear away a lot for the rest of the group. Maggie will loose a sister. Daryl will loose a friend. Judith will never know her, will never see how much Beth cared for her and how much she had protected her. Carol knew that losing Beth would take something from everyone, but that didn't mean it had to be the end for them. She didn't think she would be able to survive after losing Sophia. Carol never told anyone, but she often had thoughts about ending her life after losing her daughter, thoughts about getting her hands on a gun or just letting the walkers get to her. But she found a way. She survived. She made it.

Before she turns back to face the group and tell them they need to leave the city before walkers hear all the noise, something catches her eye. Carol takes a step closer and kneels down on the ground, carefully trying not to stain her clothes on the thick, black blood of a walker lying beside her. Next to walker, growing out from a crack in the asphalt, is a brilliant white Cherokee Rose. She knows it's blooming for Beth and quietly clings onto that hopeful thought.

Carol knows now that she was wrong. She didn't fail Sophia; she just wasn't strong enough back then, but she is now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
